Steven Spielberg and a Chinese

Britain Awarded: Best Joke !!!
😜😜😜😜😜😜😜😜

A Chinese walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg.

As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph.

Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says, "You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Harbour, get outta here."

The astonished Chinese man replied, "It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbour, it was the Japanese".

"Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied Spielberg.

In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says, "You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship."

Shocked, Spielberg replies, "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me."

The Chinese replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same."
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

(This particular joke won an award for the best joke in a competition organized in Britain)

Bahasa Tamil (Tamil Language the oldest classical language)

The earliest example of the language can be traced back to 300 BC, but its origin is believed to be during 2500 BC or so. In today's world, around 78 million people in the world speak Tamil. It is this fact of contemporary utility that makes Tamil the longest surviving language in the world

Foreigners ridicule the Chinese Zodiac

Foreigners ridicule the Chinese Zodiac. On one occasion, a group of Chinese representatives participated in the reception of a delegation composed of European aristocrats. Most of the Europeans had kinship with some royal family, very knowledgeable and cultivated, treat people polite, but hidden behind their pretence of high culture was some in-born arrogance. On the last day of dinner, these aristocrats drank more and began to speak freely. During the banquet, a German aristocrat stood up and said: "You Chinese people use the common animals like pig, dog, mouse as zodiac signs! Unlike us, we take after the stars like Taurus, Leo, Virgo ... ... I do not know how your ancestors think!" Everyone among the Europeans had listened and then laughed, but they also toasted each other, as their earlier elegance dissapated. It stands to reason, when others insult your ancestors, and even if you cannot refute, at least you should topple the table! However, all those Chinese guests did not say anything at first, perhaps they were unable to respond. Then one of the Chinese stood up and said in a peaceful tone, "Yes, the ancestors of the Chinese people are down to earth in choosing common animals, and our 12 zodiac animals are paired in duality, reflecting the six realms of reincarnation, and is a reflection of our ancestors' expectations and demands on us." At this time, the atmosphere slowly settled down, but some of the nobles looked arrogant & indifferent. The Chinese man then said: "The first pairing comprises rats and cattle. Mice represents wisdom and cattle, hard work. Wisdom and hard work must be coupled together. With wisdom alone, and absence of hard work, it becomes valueless wit; and hard work solely, without the use of the brains, denotes a simpleton. The two strengths must be combined. This is the ancestor's expectations and requirements on the first and the most important group." "The second group is tigers and rabbits. The tiger represents bravery, while the rabbit manifests caution. Courage and prudence must be coupled together to be bold and cautious. Being brave alone without caution, one becomes reckless; without courage, one becomes timid. This group is also very important" ... so the Chinese guest look at these aristocrats, smiled politely and remarked: "When we Chinese people show restraint, please do not think that the Chinese people are not courageous." Seeing that everyone was in deep thought, the Chinese continue: "The third group is the dragon and snake - the dragon represents ferocity, while the snake represents flexibility. We all know that hard cast iron is not malleable and can be broken easily; however being flexible alone makes one easy to lose one's assertiveness. So the message from the ancients to us, is to balance both of these qualities." "Next is the horse and sheep, Horses represents the courage to go forward, the sheep depict their natural docile nature of going with the flow. If a person only set his sights on his own targets without regard for the surrounding environment, without taking the landmarks into consideration, he will inevitably continue to bounce around randomly, and may not even be able to achieve the goals eventually. Therefore, the mettle of courage to step forward and lead, which must be coupled with the ability to work in harmony with the crowd. Both characteristics must be married tightly together...this is our ancestors expectations on the fourth group." "Then there are monkeys and roosters. Monkeys represent adaptability, while all roosters crow regularly on time, representing consistency. Adaptability and constancy must be binded tightly and strategically together. If you are constantly changing goals and objectives, no matter how good the policy, the benefits cannot be reaped. On the one hand, stability, harmony and order are needed to maintain on course, but on the other hand one needs to change and adapt to circumstances in order to remain relevant and advance further ahead. This is the most fundamental concept of how to thrust forward for the future." "Finally, dogs and pigs. Dogs represent fierce loyalty, pigs represent the easy-going nature. If a person is too loyal, and does not know how to be easy-going, the tendency would be to exclude others. In turn, a person who is too easy-going, has no loyalty, and this person will lose his principles & ideals. Whether it is a nation's loyalty, or loyalty to their ideals, both ideas must be closely combined, so it is easy to keep the balance of the heart." "In the end, I would like to know the significance and qualities behind your constellations of Aquarius, Sagittarius, Capricorn and other stars, and how do these reflect the hope and expectations of your ancestors on you," the Chinese diplomat asked. These European nobles, for a long time, did not speak, ...the audience remained silent. Reading this is the first time that I have understood the meaning of the Chinese zodiac as well. The young man who spoke then was Mr. Zhou Enlai, the former Chinese premier.

Smartphone Jokes; Babies and smartphone

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Cut My Hair

Wife: Can I cut my hair and make it short?
Husband: Cut it.
W: I took lot of efforts to grow it long..
H: Then don't cut it
W: They say short hair is the fashion these days..
H: Then cut it
W: What if the fashion changes after I cut?
H: Then don't cut it
W: All my friends say that I will look beautiful with a short hair..
H: Then cut it
W: But I doubt whether short hair will suit my small face..
H: Then don't cut it
W: But short hair is very easy to manage..
H: Then cut it
W: But how can I wear flowers in my hair. I love to wear flowers.
H: Then don't cut it
W: I think there is nothing wrong in trying once...
H: Then cut it
W: But it may take a long time to grow hair again.
H: Then don't cut it
W: Still I feel like giving it a try once
H: Then cut it
W: If I look ugly after cutting my hair ....
H: Then don't cut it
.
.
..
.
The husband is undergoing treatment in a mental hospital presently.  He doesn't speak anything except two sentences. “Then cut it and then don't cut it."
The doctors wonder what is to be cut. They are conducting all tests.